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I needed that.

I needed that.

For the longest time I have been the most confident person I know , in fact over confident. And I take pride in that.

Oh! For that sake I used to compliment myself on a daily basis and sometimes so much that my friends call me “self obsessed” as a joke.

But off-late it’s not been the same.

A few months ago I posted on Instagram about how I’m slowly coming to terms and getting okay with my acne.

And it has been like that until now , but for some reason its not the same anymore, in fact I’m just letting it get into my head every single day , and I don’t know how to deal with it.

I don’t.

I’ve tried it all from home made face masks  to actually consulting a dermatologist , but nothing seems to work.

One day someone asked me why I have pimples and another day a person literally came and said “ Enti moham anta padipoindi ” I laugh and try to leave it there but it stays , maybe not on the top of my head , but it stays.

Today was one of that day, today I hit saturation.

It got to a point where I didn’t take my mask off ,not because I’m scared of covid but because I’m insecure about my acne.

Later , I came back home and the only person I could think of is my cousin Manas. I called her and I asked “ have you ever looked in the mirror and said oh I look like shit! Because I did that today and I don’t know how to deal with it “

She said “ Pari , I’ve been in this body for so long , that I’ve gotten used to it at this point. That you will start to feel normal in it.

But beyond all that It does not matter how you look , and I know it sounds cliche , but what really matters is who you are as a person , and I know that you are a great one.“

Thank you.

I needed that.

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lockdown tales

Lockdown for me has been a very interesting journey , but now that  we are finally moving to normalcy – I thought why not reflect on how transforming the past year has been.

Staying at home gave me so much time to think , think and overthink every decision I’ve made in my life , few of them I was proud of and a few decisions I wanted to slap myself for.

However , the same overthinking made me realise that no matter how much I cringe when I think of those decisions , I wouldn’t have been the same if it wasn’t for those.

And for a person who barely stays at home I made some crazy decisions and did some very unexpected things during the lockdown. 

Around May, June our house help also left for a while , so my dad and I ended up doing all the work in the house – my dad mopped the house and cleaned  the bathrooms while I cleaned the dishes & put the clothes for wash , the rest of the stuff that needed to be taken care of basically was forgotten about.

Appudu anipinchindi , Naveen Pollisetty was 100% right when he said “ maa panimanishi yadama ki oka gudi katali anipistundi “ annapudu.

I even tried cooking – when I say go big or go home I mean it.

 I was at home ; but I definitely went big. 

Normally when people start cooking they start with making rice or an omelet , but I go big so I started with paneer kebab ( which I found in the trash the next day morning , so you know how that went )

And while all my friends started learning the guitar and the ukulele I sat home watching Netflix.

However thanks to Haripadma Atha and my back pain I started doing yoga!

And trust me I cannot emphasise enough on how much my life has changed ever since , waking up and taking a bath immediately felt weird after 5 months into lockdown but it did incorporate discipline into my life.

I can’t sleep in the afternoon so waking up early gave me so much time throughout the day – that I started doing online courses , I even did a masterclass by tan France on styling and I realised how much I enjoy doing that ; and now when I’m bored I just pick out clothes from my closet and style them.

Furthermore , towards the end of the year I had finished reading two amazing books:

The power of nunchi & The secret 

These books introduced me to such new and beautiful concepts like manifestation. Which I slowly started to believe in.

And finally on new years day I read this one write up which sums up everything about last year , the ups , the downs , the mistakes and the realisations.

Now read the next few lines ; let it sink in your heart and live in your head.

“It has been one of the greatest and difficult years of my life. I learnt that everything is temporary. Moments. Feelings. People. Flowers. I learnt love is about giving. Everything. And letting it hurt. I learnt vulnerability is always the right choice because it is easy to be cold in a world that makes it so difficult to remain soft. I learnt all things come in twos. Life and death. Pain and joy. Salt and sugar. Me and you.it is the balance of the universe. It has been the year of hurting so bad but living so good.  Making friends out of strangers. Making strangers out of friends. Learning mint chocolate chip ice cream will fix about everything. And for pains it can’t there will always be my mothers arms. We must learn to focus on warm energy. Always. Soak our limbs into it and become better lovers to the world. If we can’t learn to be kinder to each other how will we ever learn to be kinder to the most desperate part of ourselves?” -Rupi kaur

Now I know we are already two months in to this new year but it’s never too late to wish for the best right?

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YOGA…PULSAR…HOMEO

Towards the end of 2019 my dad shared a video of Rajiv Bajaj with me, 

Normally I wouldn’t have watched it but for some reason that day I did.

And it’s safe to say Rajiv Bajaj is now one of my biggest inspirations.

With every talk of his he took me closer to the business world.

No actually he showed me that business is not a separate world.

In a way he pushed me to learn about the nuances of business.

His speeches answered a lot of my questions while giving me new ones to work on.

He might not have taught me everything I know , but he is the reason I even tried to learn everything I know about business.

One thing that I have learnt from Rajiv Bajaj is discipline , in the way he conducts himself.

He says yoga and homeopathy are his passion. And that coming from a person who is the managing director of a motorcycle company is what fascinated me to learn more about him.

So I wrote a paper about him.

About the way Bajaj thinks.

In one of the conferences Rajiv Bajaj attended , he compared Bajaj with soda.

Sounds bizarre?

Let me explain.

The market leader in two-wheelers in India is Hero Honda.

  • So coke – in motorcycle business is Hero Honda.
  • Bajaj was once Pepsi when they launched Discover.

 It had very few differences from the model hero Honda    launched.

  • And next in line is sprite – and their strategy is to make everything except what the market leader makes. Absolute opposite.
  • And finally Bajaj became Red bull ,when it created it’s own category with the Pulsar.

The reason I think he compared motorcycles and soda is because we have all tasted it.

To get a better understanding we need to know what it feels like and to make that happen he compared it to something that we consume very often.

And in another one of his videos he spoke about the nine dots that make a product sell.

These are the best marketing tools by themselves.

After watching a lot of his speeches and analysing the nine dots  I can finally say that marketing is not just about how good the advertisements are. It is about how the sales person in the shop connects all these nine dots and informs the customer in one line.

And in my point of view the two most important dots apart from the product itself are credible story and tangible experience.

If these are put to me in an emotional way then I think I would buy the product.

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NUNCHI

Apart from the storybooks I had read during my childhood, I haven’t read much. The last time I tried to read a book it took me 4 months or so to finish it, but this time I finished ‘The power of Nunchi ‘ in 4 days.

And what fascinated me about this book is that it’s about Korean culture and upbringing which seemed quite captivating.

70 years ago after a war, South Korea was one of the poorest countries , and now it has become one of the richest , coolest and the most technologically advanced country.

And K-POP was another thing (though I’m not it’s biggest fan) which roused my curiosity to know why it was such a big thing.

Why did it become so popular in so many different countries? And why do people die over these bands ?

As the book says , the answer to these questions is nunchi.

Nunchi in my words is a subtle art of eye measuring everyone in the room while reading their energies , and how you should conduct yourself in tune with the opposite person. This book is all about how to achieve that.

An anecdote from the author’s life described in the book sort of stuck with me.

The author Euny Hong , accidentally offended  her family friend , and while defending herself to her father Euny said , “ I didn’t mean to upset Jinny’s mother “ to which her father replied “ The fact that the harm wasn’t intentional doesn’t make it better , it makes it worse.”

And she then thinks about it the other way 

“Children who choose to be mean at least know what they hope to achieve by it, whether that’s getting even with a sibling or winding up a parent. But a child who doesn’t even know what consequences their words have on people ?”

Children who are not aware of what they are doing and the consequences of it ? It is likely that they end up hurting themselves or the other person.

And that made me understand that nunchi is also a lot about self awareness .

One more point that appealed to me is what Euny  says in the middle of the book  about  empathy.  We have often heard that empathy is a most valued quality everyone must inculcate categorically. But Euny says empathy is extremely overvalued and “ the road to hell is paved with empathy”. This has given me a new insight and as a person who has suffered on account of my empathetic nature I could relate to it almost instantaneously. 

Putting yourself in somebody else’s shoes all the time is not going to let you be objective towards the situation and I have a handful of experiences where I hurt myself while trying to understand and help other people.

Nunchi and empathy do have a few similarities and Euny says that you need both in order to understand people.

These examples Euny used and the inspiring quotable lines in the book are what kept me reading . I could relate to the book  at several levels.

It also has some fun quizzes towards the end of every chapter  which gives the reader  quite an interactive experience.

If you  read the book then do share your thoughts about the book in the comment section.

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what is independence without you?

Recently I got a school assignment to talk about the army and its determination as a part of our independence week celebration.

So I called up one of my family friend ,who’s dad was army officer now 87 and retired , and as I was talking ,thatagaru said and I quote “ To be very honest , it wasn’t hard being at the border , but the hardest part was the vacation; when I came home and  every time I came home my two little kids didn’t look so little anymore and even though it felt good being at the border throughout the year , it was only hurtful when I had to leave family after vacation” 

He laughed when I asked him if he was ever scared of losing his life. And replied “the only thing I was scared of is what my family and my little children would do if I was gone , but maybe that’s what army is , it never gives you the time to think about yourself “

After the talk with him , I realised that its not as easy as it sounds to be on the border , its not easy to wake up everyday not knowing if you will still breathe as the day evolves.

The Indian Army looks out for us while putting their lives at stake ,From when we got Independence till 2013 about 23,000 soldiers lost their lives while protecting ours. 

And the fact that we are all here today at this very moment , doing what we are doing , despite all the non state actors out there is itself proof that their determination can determine our lives. 

JAI HIND!

pride month

Over the last couple of months we have all obsessed over one virus , today I want to talk about another multifaceted virus that takes thousands of lives every year but will never be declared a public health emergency.

Homophobia; Queerphobia;Transphobia.

I know most of you might be thinking , I’m too young to write about this or I’ve not seen the world enough ; but it is extremely important to me to write about this because I have seen my friends suffer with the fear of how people around them are going to react if they come out.

Thinking about their pains and dilemmas is very disturbing. I can’t imagine what they are going through.

What I have realized in the past few days is that , most of us casually use ‘gay’ , ‘faggot’ , ‘chaka’ and so many other terms as insults and jokes.

I confess that I did it too.

I used it as an insult too.

But this was all way before I knew how hurt the other person could get . I’m not justifying my actions but want to acknowledge that I am no longer insensitive. The only thing I can say now is sorry.

All my power lies in these words :

So what matters is that so many of us try to make this world a better place to live in , itself is evidence that we care ;  we love our country and its people so much that we are capable of discussing what we can do , both mentally and physically, to actually make it better.

India has legalized being LGBTQIA .

But the fact remains , about 50 % of the trans genders in India have attempted suicide before the age of 20  and 31% of them are said to succeed. 

And what hurts is that we are the ones driving them to the extreme step where they believe that  it’s better  not to exist.

I want to tell this to all my LGBTQIA friends who are still fighting with the society to be accepted :

You deserve to be loved as much as anybody else and we love you for being you.

THANK YOU !

You are a virus , you are the pandemic , if you are actively or passively involved in dehumanizing the LGBTQUIA community.

                ~ Trinetra Haldar Gummaraju

uncluttering spaces – by a confused mind

I’m sure I lost count of hours during the quarantine period just like everyone else ; but I’ve tried , Eighteen hours awake in the twenty-four hours of a day. And I’ve at least spent eleven hours just doing nothing, absolutely nothing at all.

Sometimes I have a tendency to not being able to experiment or exit in the middle.

I love so many things that I don’t know which ones I actually want and absolutely need, and most of them I realize are completely not me. Not just this but as a person I want to do so many things . until as recently as eight/nine weeks ago I even wanted to pursue about 5 masters – I’ll leave it up to your imagination.

And that’s when online courses came to my notice and as a curious person I decided to try them out , and what I’ve realized is that these 3-8 hour courses actually let me decide if that subject or that topic is my cup of tea.

But still I decided to do  a course on habits the other day because I can make a lifestyle out of it , and it now helps me track my day to day activities and constantly keeps me on my toes. Plus it really adds to my absolute passion for an understanding of the subconscious mind.

         And my experiment with online courses did not end there , today for a change I decided to go though course on minimalism and interiors , and one thing really caught my attention and that is  decluttering and the importance of keeping it minimal.

And I wanted to take up a challenge because I just can not let go of things that easily .so I decided to take this and got 3 things out of my room to give away and recycle .

You have to believe that I own and posses every single birthday dress from my first to till date parting with the things you love can be emotionally painful. Maybe I just like them way too much as memories , but people who visit me at home go nuts looking at the things I’ve accumulated over the years .

And I want you to join me in this challenge – but before you ask why , let me tell you my experiences :

·     Whenever I organize my desk , I’ve always felt like I had a much clearer stream of thoughts flowing – and google matha says that it’s actually true.

·     Especially when I declutter my closet  I had to choose between clothes  I’m going to wear , clothes I’m going to donate and clothes that I’m going to share with my sister or my friends.

·     When I organized my bed and cleared out my sleeping space I felt more relaxed and serene to rest , don’t forget to keep a book by your side because who cant fall asleep with the thought of reading :p

·     It for sure helps me focus!

To conclude , I am more clear clam and motivated to do the things I love to and to keep myself productive .

 I hope this little story convinced you to join me in this challenge , so take pictures of them or with them and tag me once done!

#gettingorganised 

Before
After
This took me forever butt the efforts pay off 🙂

is my sister ‘i’ or ‘c’?

Today dad was so done with my sister and me that he yelled at both of us and he just needed to go for a walk. 

Lockdown has given us sooo much time that my sister and I have spent it all on proving eachother wrong , oh if only I had won any argument ever. But we really always manage to drive dad crazy.

Imagine two Arnab Goswamis staying in the same house debating on the same topic ! probably that’s what it was like.

So I sat down thinking what the problem is , and  I realized that both my sister and I are extroverts , and I slowly began recollecting a workshop I did about personalities. 

It was held by Priya , at Sage, Jubilee Hills last December .

We began by learning about DISC,

which made me aware of terms like people centric , task oriented , extrovert and introvert.

Extroverts are people who enjoy and are  energized by being around other people , whereas  introverts are people who are almost opposite to an extrovert , introverts love their own company.

And as much as I know , people centric people are ones who put people over task.

For example,  you have to meet a few friends , but you also have a deadline approaching , then if you’d choose to meet your friends then you’re a people centric person.

However , if you choose your task over going out for coffee with your friends then you’re a task centric person.

DISC

D – Extroverts + task centric

I – Extroverts + People centric 

S – Introverts + people centric 

C – Introverts + task centric 

D’s are Direction oriented– are generally outgoing , they operate on taking action.

I’s are Idea driven– they are generally persuasive. This type truly enjoys being around others and trusts people naturally. 

They function best when people are around .( been analyzing myself since a while now , and I personally think this is me )

S’s are Solution driven– are always looking out for what might happen.

Let’s just take an example :

There is an event that is supposed to be held outdoors, but it starts pouring outside, so an S type person would generally try making arrangements for the event to be held indoors. 

C’s are people who like to have control and feel responsible – they generally have an eye for detail and are more on  the critical thinking side , they try to have an idea of what they and others around them are doing at all times.

Now I’m super confused if my sister is an I or a C ; she loves to control me , at the same time she prefers people over task , and I must say she’s also very persuasive.

Maybe it’s too early for me to comment on this , I guess I need to seriously understand this psychology more.

But I’m sure there is more to people than these labels can restrict them to.

Workshop details :

Held by : Priya Rajiv

Email : info@priyarajiv.in

Website : priyarajiv.in

can we heal ourselves ?

Thank you so much Lellavati aunty ,for gifting me Louise Hay’s YOU CAN HEAL YOUR LIFE around summer last year!

 I was really not a reader back then , so I took sweet three months to complete reading the book and thanks to my Dad who kept pushing me to complete it.

The book is very inspiring and what really hooked me is the chapter that describes the life story of Louise Hay : how her parents  got divorced when she was  eighteen months old and why her mom married her step dad -was it because she actually loved him or just for providing them a home . 

Louis Hay described how she faced constant sexual and physical abuse as a child by predators around her ; she ran away from her family at the age of fifteen. 

Starvedof self esteem and affection she gave her body to anyone who was kind to her , and right after her 16thbirthday she gave birth to a baby girl. She found her child a good home and left  5 days after the birth of the child. 

 Onovercoming the mental pattern of guilt and shame she went back home and got her mom away from all the abuse there . She left her sister with her step dad as her sister was always daddy’s little girl.

After making her mom comfortable , she left for Chicago for 30 days and didn’t return for over 30 years. She then left for New York and became a fashion model; yet she couldn’t own her beauty and her self esteem stayed the same. 

She met a handsome English man. She travelled the world with him and  married him. They had fourteen years of beautiful marriage till her husband expressed his desire to marry another woman. 

She was devastated , but she moved on with time.  She studied and passed a test and became a counsellor at the church of religious sciences soon . 

And all of a sudden one fine day she was diagnosed with cancer , and yet with all her understanding, she knew that mental healing worked , she knew that getting an operation was not the ultimate cure for her disease.  She knew she had to dissolve the mental pattern that created this disease in her . She negotiated with the doctors for sometime and did everything in her power , from consulting a therapist to getting reflexology. And six months later there was no trace of cancer! 

And in the joy of celebrating she found out that her mother had been blind for years .

And as she began to get back to her normal life , she got a call from her sister , the first call in years , that her mother , blind , almost deaf , has fallen and broken her back . 

She got her mom’s cataract off one eye and got her a hearing aid too.

This one chapter made me read the entire book . The book is about the power of the subconscious mind and the power of self-healing that we all possess ; it is also about the value of self esteem which most of us lack in right proportions. 

More importantly, the book has made me realise how my mom’s true love for me has made me love myself.