lockdown tales

Lockdown for me has been a very interesting journey , but now that  we are finally moving to normalcy – I thought why not reflect on how transforming the past year has been.

Staying at home gave me so much time to think , think and overthink every decision I’ve made in my life , few of them I was proud of and a few decisions I wanted to slap myself for.

However , the same overthinking made me realise that no matter how much I cringe when I think of those decisions , I wouldn’t have been the same if it wasn’t for those.

And for a person who barely stays at home I made some crazy decisions and did some very unexpected things during the lockdown. 

Around May, June our house help also left for a while , so my dad and I ended up doing all the work in the house – my dad mopped the house and cleaned  the bathrooms while I cleaned the dishes & put the clothes for wash , the rest of the stuff that needed to be taken care of basically was forgotten about.

Appudu anipinchindi , Naveen Pollisetty was 100% right when he said “ maa panimanishi yadama ki oka gudi katali anipistundi “ annapudu.

I even tried cooking – when I say go big or go home I mean it.

 I was at home ; but I definitely went big. 

Normally when people start cooking they start with making rice or an omelet , but I go big so I started with paneer kebab ( which I found in the trash the next day morning , so you know how that went )

And while all my friends started learning the guitar and the ukulele I sat home watching Netflix.

However thanks to Haripadma Atha and my back pain I started doing yoga!

And trust me I cannot emphasise enough on how much my life has changed ever since , waking up and taking a bath immediately felt weird after 5 months into lockdown but it did incorporate discipline into my life.

I can’t sleep in the afternoon so waking up early gave me so much time throughout the day – that I started doing online courses , I even did a masterclass by tan France on styling and I realised how much I enjoy doing that ; and now when I’m bored I just pick out clothes from my closet and style them.

Furthermore , towards the end of the year I had finished reading two amazing books:

The power of nunchi & The secret 

These books introduced me to such new and beautiful concepts like manifestation. Which I slowly started to believe in.

And finally on new years day I read this one write up which sums up everything about last year , the ups , the downs , the mistakes and the realisations.

Now read the next few lines ; let it sink in your heart and live in your head.

“It has been one of the greatest and difficult years of my life. I learnt that everything is temporary. Moments. Feelings. People. Flowers. I learnt love is about giving. Everything. And letting it hurt. I learnt vulnerability is always the right choice because it is easy to be cold in a world that makes it so difficult to remain soft. I learnt all things come in twos. Life and death. Pain and joy. Salt and sugar. Me and you.it is the balance of the universe. It has been the year of hurting so bad but living so good.  Making friends out of strangers. Making strangers out of friends. Learning mint chocolate chip ice cream will fix about everything. And for pains it can’t there will always be my mothers arms. We must learn to focus on warm energy. Always. Soak our limbs into it and become better lovers to the world. If we can’t learn to be kinder to each other how will we ever learn to be kinder to the most desperate part of ourselves?” -Rupi kaur

Now I know we are already two months in to this new year but it’s never too late to wish for the best right?

what is independence without you?

Recently I got a school assignment to talk about the army and its determination as a part of our independence week celebration.

So I called up one of my family friend ,who’s dad was army officer now 87 and retired , and as I was talking ,thatagaru said and I quote “ To be very honest , it wasn’t hard being at the border , but the hardest part was the vacation; when I came home and  every time I came home my two little kids didn’t look so little anymore and even though it felt good being at the border throughout the year , it was only hurtful when I had to leave family after vacation” 

He laughed when I asked him if he was ever scared of losing his life. And replied “the only thing I was scared of is what my family and my little children would do if I was gone , but maybe that’s what army is , it never gives you the time to think about yourself “

After the talk with him , I realised that its not as easy as it sounds to be on the border , its not easy to wake up everyday not knowing if you will still breathe as the day evolves.

The Indian Army looks out for us while putting their lives at stake ,From when we got Independence till 2013 about 23,000 soldiers lost their lives while protecting ours. 

And the fact that we are all here today at this very moment , doing what we are doing , despite all the non state actors out there is itself proof that their determination can determine our lives. 

JAI HIND!

is my sister ‘i’ or ‘c’?

Today dad was so done with my sister and me that he yelled at both of us and he just needed to go for a walk. 

Lockdown has given us sooo much time that my sister and I have spent it all on proving eachother wrong , oh if only I had won any argument ever. But we really always manage to drive dad crazy.

Imagine two Arnab Goswamis staying in the same house debating on the same topic ! probably that’s what it was like.

So I sat down thinking what the problem is , and  I realized that both my sister and I are extroverts , and I slowly began recollecting a workshop I did about personalities. 

It was held by Priya , at Sage, Jubilee Hills last December .

We began by learning about DISC,

which made me aware of terms like people centric , task oriented , extrovert and introvert.

Extroverts are people who enjoy and are  energized by being around other people , whereas  introverts are people who are almost opposite to an extrovert , introverts love their own company.

And as much as I know , people centric people are ones who put people over task.

For example,  you have to meet a few friends , but you also have a deadline approaching , then if you’d choose to meet your friends then you’re a people centric person.

However , if you choose your task over going out for coffee with your friends then you’re a task centric person.

DISC

D – Extroverts + task centric

I – Extroverts + People centric 

S – Introverts + people centric 

C – Introverts + task centric 

D’s are Direction oriented– are generally outgoing , they operate on taking action.

I’s are Idea driven– they are generally persuasive. This type truly enjoys being around others and trusts people naturally. 

They function best when people are around .( been analyzing myself since a while now , and I personally think this is me )

S’s are Solution driven– are always looking out for what might happen.

Let’s just take an example :

There is an event that is supposed to be held outdoors, but it starts pouring outside, so an S type person would generally try making arrangements for the event to be held indoors. 

C’s are people who like to have control and feel responsible – they generally have an eye for detail and are more on  the critical thinking side , they try to have an idea of what they and others around them are doing at all times.

Now I’m super confused if my sister is an I or a C ; she loves to control me , at the same time she prefers people over task , and I must say she’s also very persuasive.

Maybe it’s too early for me to comment on this , I guess I need to seriously understand this psychology more.

But I’m sure there is more to people than these labels can restrict them to.

Workshop details :

Held by : Priya Rajiv

Email : info@priyarajiv.in

Website : priyarajiv.in

letter to amma

Amma I love you,

I know you are watching me and protecting me every minute . while I miss your touch everyday but I know I am surrounded by your blessings .

I know it was difficult for you to leave us mid way but I am glad you made the right choice because we could not  see you suffering .

To be honest amma , it does not feel as if you are not here with us physically , we feel your presence every time we are home, we feel you are coming home back from work and will check on us as soon as you enter, I can feel your magic in every corner of the home.

I am part of you even before I knew my identity , so I know our bond is eternal. I know how you will react watching me from there doing all the things I do .

Watching us at this very moment , I can imagine how much you are missing Raaga and me.

I still don’t know if I have completely accepted your departure , or if I actually just did not digest the fact that you chose a new world too early .

Amma , I miss irritating you as soon as I come home , I miss you feeding me when I ignore to eat , I miss you sorting fights between me & Raaga , and I miss our family karaoke sessions because we don’t have a purpose and audience any more.

But ma I don’t want to miss you being here for me , because I know you are still there for me and that you will be there , right there when I need you  and I promise ma I will do you proud.

Amma , I’m sorry ma , even though I expressed my love for  you through tiny acts ,I  told you I love you very  occasionally, but you always knew I loved you , I still do and I will continue to .I know that you love us forever amma , but I just wish I had said it when you could reply .

I love you Amma

Amma , you are the most wonderful person I ever witnessed  , You understood me so well ; fighting cancer is not easy and I still wonder how you managed the pain so well without telling me a word about it . You’ve taught me how to be as confident as I am , you’ve taught me how to keep myself together , you’ve taught me that it’s okay to be messy and confused as long as I know I am myself , you taught me how to create my own  principles , you taught me how to be independent , but I thought independence was just standing up on my own feet , I didn’t know it would come with so many responsibilities .

More than anything ma , you are the sculptor of this statue and I promise it will make you proud .

SRILAKSHMI KANAKALA (1975-2020) You are Beautiful, Strong and the absolute BEST MA.