Silence please 🤫

When I’m alone at home I look in the mirror and give my award winning speech, or I pretend to be a boss in board meetings or even my own therapist sometimes.

And when I’m with people, I go completely crazy.

I can have the best time with absolute strangers and not be scared.

If you ask me what I fear the most, then I have to say that it’s losing my ability to communicate in which my voice plays a major role.

Besides I have read that silence is one of the most powerful things.

It can apparently improve your concentration and focus and bring stillness in you – and for a person who changes the layout of her room every two months and wants to try something new every single day, stability sounded surprisingly interesting.

So to challenge myself I decided to go mute for 24 hours.

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Have you ever played charades for 24 hours straight ? 

Well that’s what it felt like.

And if there was one person who enjoyed this whole day thoroughly, it was my sister – she took complete advantage of the fact that I couldn’t say anything to her.

From teasing me to tickling me, she literally vented out all the resentment she had bottled up for the last 12 years!

Another learning was, the immense amount of energy I used while talking had no place to go.

But I had to do something with all the energy!

So I locked myself up and wrote something that I had been procrastinating for months now.

However, I don’t know if I experienced any of those so called “benefits” of silence, but what I did realise was, normally when I’m in a situation I don’t like, I get angry.

But not being able to do that is what made me understand that being silent and thinking about the situation instead of reacting too fast or lashing out, can actually help and change my point of view in the situation.

And now when I think about it, getting through the day wasn’t as hard as I thought it would be.

So I might as well do it again!

is my sister ‘i’ or ‘c’?

Today dad was so done with my sister and me that he yelled at both of us and he just needed to go for a walk. 

Lockdown has given us sooo much time that my sister and I have spent it all on proving eachother wrong , oh if only I had won any argument ever. But we really always manage to drive dad crazy.

Imagine two Arnab Goswamis staying in the same house debating on the same topic ! probably that’s what it was like.

So I sat down thinking what the problem is , and  I realized that both my sister and I are extroverts , and I slowly began recollecting a workshop I did about personalities. 

It was held by Priya , at Sage, Jubilee Hills last December .

We began by learning about DISC,

which made me aware of terms like people centric , task oriented , extrovert and introvert.

Extroverts are people who enjoy and are  energized by being around other people , whereas  introverts are people who are almost opposite to an extrovert , introverts love their own company.

And as much as I know , people centric people are ones who put people over task.

For example,  you have to meet a few friends , but you also have a deadline approaching , then if you’d choose to meet your friends then you’re a people centric person.

However , if you choose your task over going out for coffee with your friends then you’re a task centric person.

DISC

D – Extroverts + task centric

I – Extroverts + People centric 

S – Introverts + people centric 

C – Introverts + task centric 

D’s are Direction oriented– are generally outgoing , they operate on taking action.

I’s are Idea driven– they are generally persuasive. This type truly enjoys being around others and trusts people naturally. 

They function best when people are around .( been analyzing myself since a while now , and I personally think this is me )

S’s are Solution driven– are always looking out for what might happen.

Let’s just take an example :

There is an event that is supposed to be held outdoors, but it starts pouring outside, so an S type person would generally try making arrangements for the event to be held indoors. 

C’s are people who like to have control and feel responsible – they generally have an eye for detail and are more on  the critical thinking side , they try to have an idea of what they and others around them are doing at all times.

Now I’m super confused if my sister is an I or a C ; she loves to control me , at the same time she prefers people over task , and I must say she’s also very persuasive.

Maybe it’s too early for me to comment on this , I guess I need to seriously understand this psychology more.

But I’m sure there is more to people than these labels can restrict them to.

Workshop details :

Held by : Priya Rajiv

Email : info@priyarajiv.in

Website : priyarajiv.in

letter to amma

Amma I love you,

I know you are watching me and protecting me every minute . while I miss your touch everyday but I know I am surrounded by your blessings .

I know it was difficult for you to leave us mid way but I am glad you made the right choice because we could not  see you suffering .

To be honest amma , it does not feel as if you are not here with us physically , we feel your presence every time we are home, we feel you are coming home back from work and will check on us as soon as you enter, I can feel your magic in every corner of the home.

I am part of you even before I knew my identity , so I know our bond is eternal. I know how you will react watching me from there doing all the things I do .

Watching us at this very moment , I can imagine how much you are missing Raaga and me.

I still don’t know if I have completely accepted your departure , or if I actually just did not digest the fact that you chose a new world too early .

Amma , I miss irritating you as soon as I come home , I miss you feeding me when I ignore to eat , I miss you sorting fights between me & Raaga , and I miss our family karaoke sessions because we don’t have a purpose and audience any more.

But ma I don’t want to miss you being here for me , because I know you are still there for me and that you will be there , right there when I need you  and I promise ma I will do you proud.

Amma , I’m sorry ma , even though I expressed my love for  you through tiny acts ,I  told you I love you very  occasionally, but you always knew I loved you , I still do and I will continue to .I know that you love us forever amma , but I just wish I had said it when you could reply .

I love you Amma

Amma , you are the most wonderful person I ever witnessed  , You understood me so well ; fighting cancer is not easy and I still wonder how you managed the pain so well without telling me a word about it . You’ve taught me how to be as confident as I am , you’ve taught me how to keep myself together , you’ve taught me that it’s okay to be messy and confused as long as I know I am myself , you taught me how to create my own  principles , you taught me how to be independent , but I thought independence was just standing up on my own feet , I didn’t know it would come with so many responsibilities .

More than anything ma , you are the sculptor of this statue and I promise it will make you proud .

SRILAKSHMI KANAKALA (1975-2020) You are Beautiful, Strong and the absolute BEST MA.